Break-ups. Most everyone in the
entire world has gone through one and can relate to this post, I know that not
a lot of you can relate to everything that I have been through but most
everyone has been through a break-up or had their hearts broken at some point
in their lives.
This
week me and my current boyfriend decided to end our relationship and it has
been very hard for me. I knew it was coming and it was a mutual decision but
neither of those things make it any better or easier on me.
Just to
tell you a little bit about the situation, I met him at a bar a week before
Christmas. I had known him basically my whole life because we were from the
same hometown and one night he came back from Navy basic and back for the
holiday leave. He noticed me first, I was looking ravishing in my sweatpants,
zip-up jacket, no make-up, and hair up and a mess. The bartender came over to
me and I was bitching about my boyfriend and waiting for my best friend to get
to the bar and she told me that he wanted to buy me a drink. I didn’t really
know why or if I should let him because I had a boyfriend but soon enough he
came up to me and started talking to me. He was drunk and I was almost positive
he wouldn’t even remember talking to me or making out with me that night but I
added him on facebook and sure enough he did and we got to talking.
I hung
out with him twice that week and ended up breaking things off with the
boyfriend. One night we got margaritas and played beer pong with some friends
of mine, and the other we just hung out and played video games. I enjoyed so
much the time we just got to spend together and everything was so easy, I don’t
think that I had ever had that much fun just hanging out with a guy and playing
stupid games with friends. The last night he was home I had sex with him all
night before he left even though I told myself I shouldn’t because he was going
to be leaving to go to California.
I
thought it would end after that night, but it didn’t. He called me every day
and we had so much to talk about and I really got attached to him. It was
exactly what we didn’t want to happen, we knew it would be hard for both of us
to be so far away and to try a relationship but we did.
I can’t
describe exactly what we had because unless you have dated in the military, you
won’t know. You wait for calls that won’t come, letters that don’t have much to
say, and when you can talk and write you try and keep everything up beat and
cheery because it doesn’t matter what you have to say, it’s about keeping them
ok. Navy was the worst because I
couldn’t talk to him sometimes for weeks or more because there is no service
when you are in the middle of the ocean, yay. Somewhere in all that though we
had a perfect relationship in just talking, it couldn’t be about sex or lust,
just pure like nothing else I had ever experienced. Falling in love with
someone purely but likes, interests, jokes, things like that.
The calls got further and far
between, he was stressed with Navy things, I had school and activities and not
to mention the mental illness I have been battling. We wanted it to work more
than anything but I just sat and cried and told him that it was just too much
for me and he agreed that we both needed to focus on other things and that we
were trying to trick ourselves into thinking that time and distance weren’t
that big of a deal, but it was. So we
ended it and that was that.
It’s
funny how you plan a future around someone even if it’s silly after the time we
were together, it was only a few months but I could really have seen myself
with him doing the Navy wife thing. I bared so much of my life to him and he
told me he would be heartbroken if he lost me. So where is that now? And why
was I the only one crying? To invest so much of yourself to one person and in
one instant with 5 words, ‘We should break this off’ everything is done and
over with, like nothing ever happened at all, like I didn’t either talk to you
or write you every day for the past three months, like all the phone calls
telling me that you loved me were fake. It leaves me always to question, What exactly
is love and how can we just throw people away like that?
I have
a habit of never forgetting anyone and when it comes to my friends, if I loved
you once no matter what, I will love you always, no matter what happened
between us. So I guess I never really understood how break ups work simply
because I attach to people like that. I don’t understand how you can just wake
up and decide never to see someone again.
I kind
of have hope in this situation though. He comes home for a break in a month and
a half and I am going to go to California for the summer still. I believe in
love, I’m not sure about a lot of things but I know that if he’s really meant
for me, we can make it through all the Navy bullshit because I see people do it
every day, and God love you women,
because you are a million times stronger than me, and most other women out
there.
If you feel like you would like to share your experience
with me or have something you would like me to talk about in the blog email me
at: a_song4hope1123@yahoo.com
God Bless
- Adriene
Song
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